Well I headed to the doctor monday morning to find out what was wrong with me... over the weekend I began to break out down my arms and on the back of my legs and it itches like no tomorrow !!! Well after being seen by my doctor she diagnosed me with Stress Induced (big word couldn't say HERE) basically HIVES !!! can you friggin believe it? She said I could not sit still in her office and when she kept looking down and my bounching leg or me tapping my hand on my leg, or fiddling with my badge... I knew she was right. She was SOOOO RIGHT !!! Michael and this damn situation has actually given me hives. GEEZE !!! Well she gave me some meds to help and I certain hope they kick in before I itch myself to death... I have no self control when it comes to something itching !!! ARG !!!
WEIGH IN INFO !!!
So when I went to the dr on monday, same weight over the past 2 weeks... the exact same... so odd, but not complaining because it's not an increase... would definitely love to see a decrease soon !!!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
My unmotivated Weigh In
Sorry I haven't been posting... I have been in the yuckiest funk of late. I have no motivation, no drive... I am just heart broken and it sucks. Things with Michael have been so difficult. Things came to a head I guess last Thursday. He came over to visit and was doing laundry and just hanging out and then he said he wanted me to talk to him. I told him I had nothing to say. He said he felt me pulling further away from him and he didn't want that to happen. He wanted me to express my feelings. SOoo I let him have it.
I told him I felt disrespected and that I hated second guessing everything that came out of his mouth if it was a lie or not and that I didn't want to live that way. I told him I didn't feel special anymore and that it was not fair what he was asking of me. He said he didn't always tell me things because he was trying to spare my feelings and said that if I wanted the whole truth that he would give it to me. I said ok, are you F%$^@*NG Michelle (his ex-wife)( I only asked b/c he had watched movies with her the night before) and he hesitated and said yes. Then I calmly said when was the last time and he had to think for a min like he didn't know and I said last night? and he said YES.... I pretty much in the calmest way I could, told him I couldn't do it anymore. I know we had the talk about going back to dating and that we agreed that was what we would do for awhile (well mostly him), but I couldn't do it. I told him that it was backwards, we got into a relationship and feelings got involved and now he wanted to take a step back and date. I told him I thought I could handle it but now I know I can't. I told him he had to go. He said when, what do you mean... I said NOW and you need to take all your stuff. He asked if I was serious... ohhh yeah. I couldn't stop crying and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I told him to go, for good. He cried and begged me not to make him go. He said he couldn't be away from me... I told him he had to. OHHHH MY GOSH THAT WAS HARD... I felt my heart leaving when he did. After a few more calls later that night I told him to stop calling. I think he was in shock that I actually told him to go for good.
Well Friday was a nightmare... you should have seen the bombarding text messages I got.... here are a few... I had to delete a bunch of them because my memory kept running out
He started off by sending me a pic of him and telling me this was something to remember him by... what an ass...
I had previously told him I was going on a date on Fri night and he sent me this text..... Like I said before I feel like your still looking for another to love. But you have a great time tonight hope you find him to e a nice guy. Have a great one, talk to you later, I will always think of you and love you.
Then after several yucky texts... I hear nothing for about 3 hours and then out of the blue I get this text like nothing is wrong... So how are you beautiful?
Is he for real? Then a little while later I get... Why are you just going to be with someone else. Cause Im an a$$hole and you don't wait for me to make a decision anyway before you find someone to spend time with and I have my thoughts why you were cool at first and now you are not cool with it.
I tried to explain to him that when he came to me with the idea of dating other people, I thought it was just going to be some dating. He said it wasn't about sex and I believed him. Then the first girl he meets he sleeps with her the first night... how is that NOT about sex? How is it not about sex to go back the next week to screw her again? Then the very next girl you meet the next week, you sleep with her as well... but it's NOT about sex huh? ARE YOU KIDDING ME !!! I tried to be as honest to him as I could and told him that I thought I could handle it but I was wrong and it's way to much for me to handle, way to much for me to think about on a daily basis and way to hard for me knowing what he is doing when he is not with me... or knowing WHO he is doing... The final straw was when I found out he was sleeping with his ex-wife. I told him it's one thing to be with a stranger that is over 3 hours away, that I can see not getting serious but to sleep with his ex-wife that lives 10 mins from him and I know that there is history and love there.... that's where I draw the line ( I know I know should of drawn it alot sooner--what can I say, I was being an idiot)
he later sends me this text... Just cause I can't prove u lie don't mean you don't
That pissed me off. I have NEVER been anything but brutally honest to him about everything and his guilty concience... if he even has one of those is trying to push his bad habits off to me... WHATEVER...
Then he sends---U want me to trust u when u said that I was the one and u would wait then turn around and go to a dating site to meet guys. WHen the whole time your bitching at me to be honest. And I'm the only one who is wrong now. Want to talk double standard. Hope you find someone to spend time with and be happy with being you don't want to wait for me.
I could not believe he actually just told me I should not date even though he is screwing anything he can... that I should sit at home and wait on him and that I am horrible for thinking of even finding someone to spend time with... SERIOUSLY ? SERIOUSLY?
After that last text... I called him and said quit, just stop. I told him he has NO RIGHT to disrespect me in such a way, that I have done everything in my power to stand by him and understand, but that he was not going to push his guilty concience on me and make me feel bad for doing NOTHING wrong. He got pissed off at me and told me to have fun and he would talk to me SOMEDAY and hung up on me...
Then about 15 mins later I get this text....I just want to say im sorry. i am such an a$$hole and you don't deserve to be treated like that or spoke to like that. I will never want you to hate me i always want to be your friend if nothing else. You deserve better than me. I hope you will still love me because I do you.
HAHHH do you think I am going to respond to your stupid a$$ ?? NOPE !!!
The drama goes on... but it's pretty ridiculious... Just wanted to let you know where my funk is coming from.... The girl he last saw is in town this week for spring break and guess who she is staying with? shacking up with? I told my sister this morning that this is the end. That every day that goes by, I hate him more for what he has put me through and by the time this week is over and that girl is gone and he tries to call me after she leaves, I hope I am done with those feelings and can finally stick my ground !!!
ON TO MY WEIGHT... it's been 2 weeks ago today that I got half of my fluids removed from my bad due to the trouble I was having. I figured I would have gained a few lbs back by now... especially with the stress I have been under. Plus I am bloated and retaining water... that time of the month *UGH* but when I weighed this morning I was down .6 lbs... I know that's nothing but it's sooo much better than a gain. I think it might be a little less if I wasn't holding onto this water :)
Sooo at least that is a positive. I bought some new sexy barely there underwear this weekend while shopping with my sister, some stockings to go with my new garters and some cute new outfits. I am wearing one today and have gotten tons of compliments, so that definately makes me feel a little better.
I have so much reading to do on everyone's blogs and I'm about to get to it. LOTS OF LOVE to everyone !!!
I told him I felt disrespected and that I hated second guessing everything that came out of his mouth if it was a lie or not and that I didn't want to live that way. I told him I didn't feel special anymore and that it was not fair what he was asking of me. He said he didn't always tell me things because he was trying to spare my feelings and said that if I wanted the whole truth that he would give it to me. I said ok, are you F%$^@*NG Michelle (his ex-wife)( I only asked b/c he had watched movies with her the night before) and he hesitated and said yes. Then I calmly said when was the last time and he had to think for a min like he didn't know and I said last night? and he said YES.... I pretty much in the calmest way I could, told him I couldn't do it anymore. I know we had the talk about going back to dating and that we agreed that was what we would do for awhile (well mostly him), but I couldn't do it. I told him that it was backwards, we got into a relationship and feelings got involved and now he wanted to take a step back and date. I told him I thought I could handle it but now I know I can't. I told him he had to go. He said when, what do you mean... I said NOW and you need to take all your stuff. He asked if I was serious... ohhh yeah. I couldn't stop crying and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I told him to go, for good. He cried and begged me not to make him go. He said he couldn't be away from me... I told him he had to. OHHHH MY GOSH THAT WAS HARD... I felt my heart leaving when he did. After a few more calls later that night I told him to stop calling. I think he was in shock that I actually told him to go for good.
Well Friday was a nightmare... you should have seen the bombarding text messages I got.... here are a few... I had to delete a bunch of them because my memory kept running out
He started off by sending me a pic of him and telling me this was something to remember him by... what an ass...
I had previously told him I was going on a date on Fri night and he sent me this text..... Like I said before I feel like your still looking for another to love. But you have a great time tonight hope you find him to e a nice guy. Have a great one, talk to you later, I will always think of you and love you.
Then after several yucky texts... I hear nothing for about 3 hours and then out of the blue I get this text like nothing is wrong... So how are you beautiful?
Is he for real? Then a little while later I get... Why are you just going to be with someone else. Cause Im an a$$hole and you don't wait for me to make a decision anyway before you find someone to spend time with and I have my thoughts why you were cool at first and now you are not cool with it.
I tried to explain to him that when he came to me with the idea of dating other people, I thought it was just going to be some dating. He said it wasn't about sex and I believed him. Then the first girl he meets he sleeps with her the first night... how is that NOT about sex? How is it not about sex to go back the next week to screw her again? Then the very next girl you meet the next week, you sleep with her as well... but it's NOT about sex huh? ARE YOU KIDDING ME !!! I tried to be as honest to him as I could and told him that I thought I could handle it but I was wrong and it's way to much for me to handle, way to much for me to think about on a daily basis and way to hard for me knowing what he is doing when he is not with me... or knowing WHO he is doing... The final straw was when I found out he was sleeping with his ex-wife. I told him it's one thing to be with a stranger that is over 3 hours away, that I can see not getting serious but to sleep with his ex-wife that lives 10 mins from him and I know that there is history and love there.... that's where I draw the line ( I know I know should of drawn it alot sooner--what can I say, I was being an idiot)
he later sends me this text... Just cause I can't prove u lie don't mean you don't
That pissed me off. I have NEVER been anything but brutally honest to him about everything and his guilty concience... if he even has one of those is trying to push his bad habits off to me... WHATEVER...
Then he sends---U want me to trust u when u said that I was the one and u would wait then turn around and go to a dating site to meet guys. WHen the whole time your bitching at me to be honest. And I'm the only one who is wrong now. Want to talk double standard. Hope you find someone to spend time with and be happy with being you don't want to wait for me.
I could not believe he actually just told me I should not date even though he is screwing anything he can... that I should sit at home and wait on him and that I am horrible for thinking of even finding someone to spend time with... SERIOUSLY ? SERIOUSLY?
After that last text... I called him and said quit, just stop. I told him he has NO RIGHT to disrespect me in such a way, that I have done everything in my power to stand by him and understand, but that he was not going to push his guilty concience on me and make me feel bad for doing NOTHING wrong. He got pissed off at me and told me to have fun and he would talk to me SOMEDAY and hung up on me...
Then about 15 mins later I get this text....I just want to say im sorry. i am such an a$$hole and you don't deserve to be treated like that or spoke to like that. I will never want you to hate me i always want to be your friend if nothing else. You deserve better than me. I hope you will still love me because I do you.
HAHHH do you think I am going to respond to your stupid a$$ ?? NOPE !!!
The drama goes on... but it's pretty ridiculious... Just wanted to let you know where my funk is coming from.... The girl he last saw is in town this week for spring break and guess who she is staying with? shacking up with? I told my sister this morning that this is the end. That every day that goes by, I hate him more for what he has put me through and by the time this week is over and that girl is gone and he tries to call me after she leaves, I hope I am done with those feelings and can finally stick my ground !!!
ON TO MY WEIGHT... it's been 2 weeks ago today that I got half of my fluids removed from my bad due to the trouble I was having. I figured I would have gained a few lbs back by now... especially with the stress I have been under. Plus I am bloated and retaining water... that time of the month *UGH* but when I weighed this morning I was down .6 lbs... I know that's nothing but it's sooo much better than a gain. I think it might be a little less if I wasn't holding onto this water :)
Sooo at least that is a positive. I bought some new sexy barely there underwear this weekend while shopping with my sister, some stockings to go with my new garters and some cute new outfits. I am wearing one today and have gotten tons of compliments, so that definately makes me feel a little better.
I have so much reading to do on everyone's blogs and I'm about to get to it. LOTS OF LOVE to everyone !!!
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