Stranger to You and ME

Yep, that's what I have been lately. I'm sorry I have been MIA... but things have just been so hectic and exhausting frankly. I just have not had the energy or motivation to do anything. I will make an attempt to catch things up.

I previously mentioned Jon, well that was short lived... his 26 year old personality surfaced and really fast. I have to tell you this story.. this is when it all changed for me... things had seemed to be going really well, we were enjoying each other's company. Well my friend Katt (will have to tell you about her in a min) and a friend of hers wanted to go out to dinner together, well Jon was short on funds, and so I told him I wanted to go, and wouldnt mind paying for dinner... no biggie. So we go to dinner... we had before then stopped by the liquor store to get items for cocktails later... about 60 bucks worth of stuff... anywho... so at the restraunt, we get our table and Katt and I go to the restroom, in the mean time while we are gone, Jon and Katt's friend order themselves drinks. When I came back to the table, I was a little suprised b/c I thought we were not going to get drinks at dinner, hence the whole trip to the liquor store....

Well after dinner was over, the waiter puts the check folder on the table near the guys... and Jon proceeds to pick it up and open and look at the cost. (This is just me... but I think it's rude to look at the bill if you KNOW your not the one paying for it or even contributing.) Well after looking at it, he then proceeds to make a HUGE scene about how much his drink cost and there was not enough alcohol in it for it to cost that much and he was not even getting a free glass out of the deal. He then calls the waiter over and starts to complain to him about the cost and not getting a free glass or something. I was mortified... I hate when people make scenes like that. I felt so bad for the waiter. Well then Katt tells Jon to settle down, he has him EMT hat on and he should not be acting like that in public because he is representing EMT's. He didn't care. I paid the bill, not saying a word and got up and proceeded to the door. Then as we got out to the truck he was all what's wrong, why are you so quiet? DUH... cause your an IDIOT who acts like he is 2. Well that didn't last much longer.

KATT.... get this... Katt was a girl I went to Jr high and High School with back home about 3 hours from here. Well I happened to find her on myspace several months back and found out that she had moved away from our home town and was about 45 mins from where I am living... so I told her, to bring her daughters and come for a visit. She came and never left.... no not really... but since that first visit we have been job hunting for her and trying to get her to my area.... it's actually been great. We had not spoken in almost 14 years and it was like we picked up where we left off, just older, wiser and somewhat more mature :) haha We are so much alike, it's scary. I told her last night we were cut from the same mold, mine was just bigger :) I don't know what I would do without her here... she has really been good for me. I recently had to quit my somewhat part time job... I was basically killing myself and feeling it tooo... not enough sleep wears on you. I injured my arm as well... I had to see a specialist and get cortizone shots in my elbow and go through physical therapy to losen up the tighten tendons frommy elbow to my wrist. That was the first of the year and after working my part time job, I re-injured it... and it's a daily reminder.

Well Katt and I decided to get a place together and we found the perfect one and signed our lease on Friday, got our keys and moved all weekend... I am so paying for it today... I think I hurt everywhere... even places I never knew existed. MY HAIR HURTS :) haha

I love the apt... it's actually one I lived at 3-4 years ago before my very brief marriage :) I am very glad to be back in that complex. It's beautiful and the apts just spoil you :)

That's pretty much all I got for now... I hope not to be such a stranger anymore.

I have so much to catch up on with everyone. I hope your all well and doing great.

Lost in a far away place.... on my way back home

First off, thank you JILL for noticing my disappearance :) I have thought about blogging lately, but it seems the stories as of yet, don't sound right with they are coming out of my mouth, I can't imagine what they will look or sounds like on paper as you read them.

Please forgive me if any part of this does not make sense. I am working on about 3 hours of sleep right now and it's just not enough.

I am so sorry for my disappearing act. So much as been going on the last few weeks, I don't even know where to begin, or what exactly I am willing to put down here. There are things as of late I have done that I am so not proud of.

Lets go back about a month ago I guess... Chris was having some issues with his ex (Crystal) she was causing some problems with him and his son and such, and I guess one night they had a long talk and from what I have learned lately, that talk brought back old feelings for him about them and the way things used to be with them, which made him question if he was really over her and what to do about me. He became somewhat distant and I was confused. I tried to get him to talk to me and he just wouldn't open up, he just kept saying he didn't know what he wanted. Well a few days after that I got some messages from "him" on yahoo messenger saying that he didn't want to talk to me and couldn't see me. I was devestated. There was no explanation and that was pretty much it. Well I backed off and didn't call, email, text, NOTHING. Well being hurt and upset I found myself talking to Michael... I KNOW... I was an idiot. Michael swore he was going to change and things would be different if I would just give him another chance... I am so gullable... more of an idiot I think. Well all hell broke lose when some friend of his called and was talking about kissing him and I asked why she was talking to him like that and she was rude and disrespectful to me. He and I got into a huge, manic fight. I hit a brick wall. I know I had a break down. I lost it. I told him I was sick of the disrespect, of the roller coaster ride, of the constant emotional merry-go-round and that I wasn't going to take it anymore... and the rest of the evening was somewhat of a blur... all I can really tell you is that I slept with a razor blade in my hand and that's after the scissors were removed. I woke up the next morning covered in blood, Michael covered in blood, blood on the walls, on the floor in the front door area and in the bathroom. I had massive cuts on my legs, the upper thighs, and outer thighs and 2 long gashes down my arm from my wrist to the middle of my arm. there were cuts all over my hands and I was a little shocked at what I saw. I couldn't even speak. I gathered up my stuff and headed home. I immediately called my mom and told her I needed her and could she please come stay with me for awhile. It killed me to tell her what I had done. I am to smart for that crap. I would never allow anyone to do such a thing if I knew about it and I knew it was wrong. My sister kept asking why... the only explanation I had was that at that moment I felt as though I was tired of being hurt by other people and if I wanted to hurt then I would do it myself and then it just happened. Well my mom came down and stayed with me for a couple of weeks. I totally felt like I was being baby-sat for. If I wasn't at work, my mom was there with me every minute. I felt so bad for making her worry. I was changing clothes after work one day and I happened to turn around and she saw the gashes on my legs and just started to cry. I felt so horrible. For the pain I had caused myself and for the pain and heartache I had caused those I love.

I am still super ashamed of what I have done. I have a daily reminder of it because the marks are still there. I have been putting vitamin-e on there to try to get rid of the scars, but they are slowly fading.

I was online one night playing around on myspace and a guy messages me and says he's new to the area and was looking for friends to show him around. Well his name is Jon and he had just moved here 3 days prior to that from Michigan. He didn't know anyone except his mom and step dad. We talked and talked and talked and it was nice to just visit with someone and not have to worry about anything else. We hit it off pretty good online, then talked on the phone and a few days later, he asked to take me out. He came to pick me up and as we were walking away from my apt toward his truck, here comes Michael literally running up the sidewalk. i was in shock. I didn't know exactly what to do. Michael grabbed me and was pulling me toward him and yelling at me asking why I was doing this to him, why I didn't want to work things out and be with him. He said do you want to be with this guy, it was so embarassing. I kept trying to walk away and he kept jerking me back and pulling my arms. Jon walked up and told him to get his hands off of me or he was going to spend the night in jail. He started jumping toward Jon asking who he was and if he knew that I was his girl and I belonged to him. Jon said I was a grown woman and could make my own choices. Some guy in my apts came running over and asking if I was okay. I just hid behind Jon. (side note... with this weight loss, and getting smaller, I feel more dainty behind a tall hunka man :) It was kinda comical in a way if you can imagine, Michael is 5'5 and 130 lbs and he is jumping at Jon who is 6'1 310, broad chest and big arms.... he's an EMT and volunteer Firefighter. It looked like a jumping bean... I wasn't laughing at the time, but now it's seems funny. Jon was so calm, he didn't get worked up at all. Michael yelled all kinds of stuff on his way to his car, but whatever. It was super embarassing. A lady came down and asked if I was alright and I said yes, she said "that guy" Michael had been sitting in his car for some time and it was really creapy. OMG was I embarrassed. The original guy that ran up to see if I was okay said he saw him jerking me around and wasn't going to stand for that. He asked if I knew him, I couldnt speak... Jon said it is her crazy ex, but she has moved on to better and then he looked at me and said right? I just smiled. We decided to go back inside and just sit for a bit. I told him how sorry I was for all the drama, but he was aware of Michael and his antics before we met, so he said he saw what I was talking about.

In the mean time I have started a 2nd job... it was meant to be a part time job but is more along the lines of a full time since the first 3 weeks I have worked 36 hours along with my 40 hours day job. It's been rough, but it's been good for me too. I am exhausted though. I have not had a day off in 3 weeks.

Well anyway... this is somewhat of an update... I know I left some stuff out, but I'm sure it will fill itself in eventually. One more note... Chris has been calling lately and that's how I found out that it was not him sending me those previous messages, Crystal his ex got into his email account and his myspace account and was sending bad stuff to me, a couple of his friends, and his sister. I had to delete him as my friend on myspace so she could not send me ugly emails and such. Yeah she's real mature huh?

Hope all is well with everyone. I have missed my blog... but I guess in a way I was ashamed of some of the things that have gone on and it made me feel bad to even tell strangers who have no bearing on the matter. Guess it's more of am embarrassment to myself.

Enough Said....

A friend of mine sent this to me today, and it was just what I needed...

To my sisters in the Lord... There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a closelook at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is,or at who made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in herlife? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Beforeyou make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom,someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have madeher stronger. Think of all the great women in the Bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth andNaomi, the woman with an issue of blood, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus wasdone with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunatein marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, shehad married one of the wealthiest men in the land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to holdher up. Before you wonder,' What's up with her?' ask yourself,'What's up with me?' That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt,in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend,or co-worker, etc. That woman could be ME. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let'sbuild and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Pass this to all the women in your life. Encourage and love, forgiveand forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will betouched in some way. May the peace and love of Christ be upon you!

Lie Detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually an infallible lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?", they asked." Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy.

The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and we watched a movie."
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a round house right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times! ! !

THIS WAS MY FUNNY FOR THE DAY !!!!

I'm a little bit of a LOSER

HAHA... and you thought that this was going to be one of those poor, poor, pittiful me posts....... NOT this time :) I am just a little bit of a loser... I didn't weigh last week, just got wrapped in the daily dealings that go on in my life... boy I tell you it's something crazy from one day to the next. A friend said I need a reality TV show... she said it's quite entertaining from her point of view :)

I am down just a little in the last couple of weeks, definitely not as much as I would like, but keep in mind, I have not had another fill since they took out half of my fluids back the week after Valentine's, so I am actually pretty proud of myself for not packing the pounds back on :) I am definately not feeling restricted... I do need to go get a fill, just need to find some time to do so... hmmmm will have to call and see if they can squeeeeeze me in sometime the end of this week.

Just been out of pocket this last week or so, but it's all been really good. I hope everyone is well and doing great, and being big losers :)

Girlie Problems

I know problems... like I haven't had my share. I have had some issues lately as far as cramping like ALL the time. I have never been one to have cramps much. Maybe the first day of my "monthly visit" but nothing severe and nothing that was curled up crying like a baby bad. Well in the last month I have been so abnormal it's scary. I had my monthly visit for a week and a half when normall I am a 4-5 day at the most kinda girl... so a week and a half, I thought I was dying slowly. Then it finally stopped... about 4 days later I started spotting, but not all the time, maybe just in the evenings and then nothing the next day and then maybe the morning of the following morning... it was so supratic it was just odd. While I was out of work and my mom was here I was having the worst cramps I have ever had and I wasn't even having a visitor at that time... so I could not figure out what it was causing this problem.

Well I had a visit with my "Girlie" doctor yesterday and the first thing she said was gosh your hair is getting so long (down almost to my butt again) and where have you been? It's been almost 2 years since I last saw her... I know bad me, but hey what can I say... life has been happening.

Last I saw her I was recooping from a LEAP procedure where they surgically removed pre-cancerous cells from my cervix... that surgery went very well and recovery was good as well.

Soooo she is testing to see if that may have returned and she also wants me to come back on the 8th for a sonogram to take a look at my uterus to see if something is wrong which would be causing my cramps.

Gosh I hope it's just the weight loss and stress that has reaked havoc on my system.... hoping a few days away this weekend will help get me back on track. I am heading out of town tomorrow to go see my family back home. I am super excited.... takeing Chris and his son Daniel along as well. My mom got to meet Chris, Daniel and Chris's mom when she was here for that week. She liked them all very much, which was a great feeling for me. My families opinions matter alot to me. Then my sister and her 3 kids got to meet Chris but didn't get to meet Daniel his son yet. So we are getting stuff together to take my grandpa fishing on saturday so my mom's gonna make up some picnic foods and snacks and we are all gonna make a family event of it. I am super excited to get away from my daily stress and unwind a little.

So long Mickey and Minnie

This is tooo funny... we have had a mouse problem in our building and our work awhile back... it was kinda freaky the day I got in my desk drawer and saw my honey and ketsup packets with little tiny teeth marks in them.... it was soooo icky. I cleaned it up, cleaned it with bleach and got rid of any food... except for the things in my covered containers. Well they put down some sticky boards under the desks to catch any stragglers hanging around. Well I haven't seen mickey or minnie lately, but we got the funniest email this morning from HQ about the "alien invaders" I am blocking out my company's name just cause I think I should :) haha

WE NEED YOUR HELP !!

Due to the short winter, increased rainfall, and the smorgasbord provided by our employees, we are experiencing an influx of mice. The only thing that Facilities is legally permitted to do is put out sticky boards. We cannot fumigate, use poison, or bring in cats. This problem will NOT go away until the mice STOP being fed at the (removed Company) Employee BUFFET.

I will ask you all again to please insure that if your employees have food items, candy, etc. in/on/near their desks that they are stored in hard surfaced, tightly sealed containers. This is something we should all be doing anyway. Ziploc baggies do not count. Glass enclosed credenzas do not count. Overhead bins do not count. Metal cabinets do not count.

If your department has a luncheon, party, meeting, etc., please make sure that all the leftover food gets put up, thrown away, or stored properly as soon as possible. Do not let it stay out all day. You can’t cover it up and let it stay out on a table overnight – no matter what it is. This is a magnet for our unwelcome guests.

Pest Control is on site every Friday. If you see any mice or bugs, please call the Helpline (X 3333) and put in a work order so they can check out that area, treat it, monitor it, etc. We have no mice problems in the cafeteria, break rooms, or areas of the building other than yours!! According to our Pest Control vendor, this is because there is no open food in these other areas.

If one of these pesky mice gets stuck on a sticky board, please call Security at X 3333 or the dock at X 3333 or X 3333 and they will remove them right away. If they have left you a friendly reminder of their visit to your area, please call the Helpline and put in a work order and we will have it cleaned up.

Security will be monitoring your areas closely to let you know which of your employees is attributing to the weight gain of the mice. We will be checking drawers, cabinets, etc. We expect you to discuss this with your employees and make sure it does not continue.

Please communicate to all your employees the above in your own words and that the mice are not our friends, they are not the (removed company) mascot, nor do they make good pets. If they don’t have an ID badge and access card, they are NOT welcome in our building !!

This email I thought was just to hilarious. First thing I thought when it said we don't have this problem in the cafeteria... was they wouldn't eat that crap if it was laying out anyway :) Break rooms??? who the hell gets a break around here?

Some of the shinanigans that goes on around here just make me laugh.

Hope you guys are having a great Thursday.

Date Night

YEAH for date night.... it was kinda a spur of the moment date night last night for Chris and I, but it turned out to be WONDERFUL. Chris was at my apt waiting for me when I got home, he looked so cute leaned up against his car next to my parking spot. We went in to let the doggies out for a walk and then headed over to a friend of mine to show him some things she was wanting to have him work on for her around her house. He just grabs a couple of ladders and heads up to the top of her roof.... I was like ummmmmm well I think she meant later this week, but OKAY :) We had a yucky hail storm lately and it blew the top off her fireplace and a couple of panels off of her siding and he jumped up there to fix them both... she was so impressed and so was I, it was sooo cute. Then the 3 of us headed to a near by restraunt for some food :) After dinner we went to the studio movie grill for a movie. We saw 88 minutes with Al Pacino, it was really good. We were all cuddled up and these 2 ladies came and sat in the row in front of us and one turned around while she was taking off her coat and was smiling at us. I said hi and she said it was nice to see 2 people out on a date. I just laughed. We shared a strawberry milkshake and some warm choc chip cookies in the movie.... I love the studio movie grill. Wish they had more of a selection though, but what do you expect for a movie theatre that serves you food. I had so much fun. We then headed to get some gas in my car.... which seems to be a regular routine these days, it's depressing everytime I pull up to the pump.

I actually don't have a weigh in today cause I was running late this morning and didn't get the scale out... remember I have it in hiding so I don't get obsessive about stepping on it every chance I get. I have it put up so it's not as easy to just walk over and get on. I actually have to take it out and put it back each time... hey it works for me. I will do the weigh in tomorrow... promise :) Have a great Tuesday everyone.

Is my luck actually changing?

That's the question of the day I have... I had a great weekend with Chris and his son Daniel this weekend. We just couldn't seem to get enough of each other and it was a great feeling. It started off Friday evening with Chris and Daniel arrived at my apt shortly after I got off work. Chris runs up to mean and just engulfs me in his arms... I love when he does that. He rushes up fast to me alot of times and says he does it because he's so excited to see me and wants me to know that :) it's adorable. We then left to go to dinner and then to get a movie. We rented Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium and it was super cute. I really liked it. We all went to bed pretty late and got up earlier than I really like on Saturday morning, but that was okay too. I let Chris sleep in a little while Daniel and I played some playstation. Then I took off outside to plant some flowers along the sidewalk to my apt and under my front windows. I am in the flower planting mood for the first time ever... my patio I planted while I was out of work a couple of weeks ago and it's blooming nicely... along the sidewalk I planted all kinds of bulbs, so they haven't bloomed yet, but I can't wait until they do. Chris came out and helped me, it was so fun. I will think of him I'm sure everytime I look at them. Saturday was kinda a mellow day, we took Daniel to the park after I helped him finish all his homework and that was great fun, it was so beautiful outside. Saturday evening we went to check on Chris's mom because she had been super bummed about some problems going on with her boyfriend, so we didn't want her to stay alone and invited her to come over to my house with us. We rented some more movies and stopped by the store to get fixins for burritos/tacos/tostadas... which Daniel seems to love... says they are better than Taco Bell... don't know if that is saying much, but I try :) as long as he is pleased !

We had a pretty lazy day yesterday, I cooked a roast and some potatos and carrots and then we went to Chris's last night to watch the STARS WIN the first round :) YEAH GOOOO STARS !!

So when I got back home last night there is the sweetest little love note waiting for me on my bed from Chris telling me how wonderful of a weekend it was and how he cannot wait to wrap his arms around me again... which as I look at the time now will be in about 15 mins... Gotta run friends off to see my sweetie.

Have a wonderful week !!!

Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said:'
Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the tenthe dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?''

Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family y. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.Life has now been explained to you.

I'M BACK.... and Weighing In

Hello Everyone... I missed you guys so much. Sorry I have made myself a stranger, but things have been so crazy. I am back, not just to my blog but to work. I took an extended leave due to a near break down... when and how do you classify it as a TRUE break down?? Well I can tell you, my dr is the one that took me out, and she is the one who put me on my pills !!! Just what I need, more pills huh? Well these were to make me settle down and relax a little, goodness sakes, I was needing it. The story is so long, I don't know that my fingers would hold up if I was to tell it all, so I will give you a "CLIFF NOTES" version. Basically a couple of weeks ago Michael called and we were discussing his father's health, he was in the ICU at the time, not expected to make it... which he did, Thank GOD ! Anyway, Michael was updating me on his father's condition because I do love his parents and he told me he was on his way to the hospital to see him. I told him to tell them hello for me. Well shortly after hanging up there was a knock on my door, when opening it, I see Michael there, I was a little stunned due to our previous convo where he stated he was on his way to the hospital, I asked what he was doing there and he said he wanted to see me. It had been a little while, since I told him to move on... So we talked for a little bit and then the drama insued.... He took his cell phone out and wanted me to watch him delete the girls numbers and pics out of it, I told him I didn't care and didn't want to see and it was to little to late, he got so angry that he threw his phone against my dinning room wall and shattered it. I was so shocked, I couldn't believe it. I told him he had to leave that I wasn't interested in watching him act like a child, and as he passed by me he said I can't believe you are doing this to me and he shoved me which caused me to fall over my coffee table. As I got up, crying and all I was way freaked out to say the least. I would of never have guessed he would do something of that nature. He of course said how sorry he was and didn't mean to do it and that he loved me more than anything, I said yeah well I don't want to be loved so much you have to push me, I could do without that kinda love. He grabbed my cell phone and I tried to pull it back away from him and we kinda wrestled over it a bit until he let go and my back was to him and he shoved me into the door jam near my staircase head first. YEAH sounds fun huh......... well he left after that. Sooo there began my somewhat of a breakdown. I couldn't believe this was happening and it was sickening to me. I called all the girls, including his ex wife and filled them all in on what was going on and let them know just what the real story was... they had no clue that he was playing both ends. Well since then they have all stopped talking to him, his ex wife changed her number, and vowed never to have anything to do with him. Shortly after our incident, he tried to kill himself, twice. He was torturing me I tell ya. He was sending me text messages saying I was the cause of his death and he could not live if he could not have me. It was horrible to say the least. So things have been rough........ but getting better now. He found out where Chris lives and showed up at 5 am on Saturday morning, Chris is not standing for it. I don't think I could of made it the last couple of weeks if I didn't have Chris, his son and his mom to cheer me up and take my mind off of it all. They have all been wonderful and always make me feel welcome when I visit them. I have been spending alot of time at Chris's with him and his son and his mom comes over alot to watch his son when we go run errands or just need to get away for awhile, she's great and I really like her alot. Well as far as the weighing in... the lbs have been dropping a little here and there. I have lost about 12 more lbs... which is definitely a positive. The girls in the dr's office say they can really tell especially in my face... I will have to post some pics when I get home, don't have any here at work.



I really can't believe I am down 45 lbs... sooo awesome



I have so much to catch up on with everyone, I will be looking out for ya :)

Itchy Itchy.... Scratchy Scratchy

Well I headed to the doctor monday morning to find out what was wrong with me... over the weekend I began to break out down my arms and on the back of my legs and it itches like no tomorrow !!! Well after being seen by my doctor she diagnosed me with Stress Induced (big word couldn't say HERE) basically HIVES !!! can you friggin believe it? She said I could not sit still in her office and when she kept looking down and my bounching leg or me tapping my hand on my leg, or fiddling with my badge... I knew she was right. She was SOOOO RIGHT !!! Michael and this damn situation has actually given me hives. GEEZE !!! Well she gave me some meds to help and I certain hope they kick in before I itch myself to death... I have no self control when it comes to something itching !!! ARG !!!


WEIGH IN INFO !!!

So when I went to the dr on monday, same weight over the past 2 weeks... the exact same... so odd, but not complaining because it's not an increase... would definitely love to see a decrease soon !!!

My unmotivated Weigh In

Sorry I haven't been posting... I have been in the yuckiest funk of late. I have no motivation, no drive... I am just heart broken and it sucks. Things with Michael have been so difficult. Things came to a head I guess last Thursday. He came over to visit and was doing laundry and just hanging out and then he said he wanted me to talk to him. I told him I had nothing to say. He said he felt me pulling further away from him and he didn't want that to happen. He wanted me to express my feelings. SOoo I let him have it.

I told him I felt disrespected and that I hated second guessing everything that came out of his mouth if it was a lie or not and that I didn't want to live that way. I told him I didn't feel special anymore and that it was not fair what he was asking of me. He said he didn't always tell me things because he was trying to spare my feelings and said that if I wanted the whole truth that he would give it to me. I said ok, are you F%$^@*NG Michelle (his ex-wife)( I only asked b/c he had watched movies with her the night before) and he hesitated and said yes. Then I calmly said when was the last time and he had to think for a min like he didn't know and I said last night? and he said YES.... I pretty much in the calmest way I could, told him I couldn't do it anymore. I know we had the talk about going back to dating and that we agreed that was what we would do for awhile (well mostly him), but I couldn't do it. I told him that it was backwards, we got into a relationship and feelings got involved and now he wanted to take a step back and date. I told him I thought I could handle it but now I know I can't. I told him he had to go. He said when, what do you mean... I said NOW and you need to take all your stuff. He asked if I was serious... ohhh yeah. I couldn't stop crying and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I told him to go, for good. He cried and begged me not to make him go. He said he couldn't be away from me... I told him he had to. OHHHH MY GOSH THAT WAS HARD... I felt my heart leaving when he did. After a few more calls later that night I told him to stop calling. I think he was in shock that I actually told him to go for good.

Well Friday was a nightmare... you should have seen the bombarding text messages I got.... here are a few... I had to delete a bunch of them because my memory kept running out

He started off by sending me a pic of him and telling me this was something to remember him by... what an ass...

I had previously told him I was going on a date on Fri night and he sent me this text..... Like I said before I feel like your still looking for another to love. But you have a great time tonight hope you find him to e a nice guy. Have a great one, talk to you later, I will always think of you and love you.

Then after several yucky texts... I hear nothing for about 3 hours and then out of the blue I get this text like nothing is wrong... So how are you beautiful?

Is he for real? Then a little while later I get... Why are you just going to be with someone else. Cause Im an a$$hole and you don't wait for me to make a decision anyway before you find someone to spend time with and I have my thoughts why you were cool at first and now you are not cool with it.

I tried to explain to him that when he came to me with the idea of dating other people, I thought it was just going to be some dating. He said it wasn't about sex and I believed him. Then the first girl he meets he sleeps with her the first night... how is that NOT about sex? How is it not about sex to go back the next week to screw her again? Then the very next girl you meet the next week, you sleep with her as well... but it's NOT about sex huh? ARE YOU KIDDING ME !!! I tried to be as honest to him as I could and told him that I thought I could handle it but I was wrong and it's way to much for me to handle, way to much for me to think about on a daily basis and way to hard for me knowing what he is doing when he is not with me... or knowing WHO he is doing... The final straw was when I found out he was sleeping with his ex-wife. I told him it's one thing to be with a stranger that is over 3 hours away, that I can see not getting serious but to sleep with his ex-wife that lives 10 mins from him and I know that there is history and love there.... that's where I draw the line ( I know I know should of drawn it alot sooner--what can I say, I was being an idiot)

he later sends me this text... Just cause I can't prove u lie don't mean you don't

That pissed me off. I have NEVER been anything but brutally honest to him about everything and his guilty concience... if he even has one of those is trying to push his bad habits off to me... WHATEVER...

Then he sends---U want me to trust u when u said that I was the one and u would wait then turn around and go to a dating site to meet guys. WHen the whole time your bitching at me to be honest. And I'm the only one who is wrong now. Want to talk double standard. Hope you find someone to spend time with and be happy with being you don't want to wait for me.

I could not believe he actually just told me I should not date even though he is screwing anything he can... that I should sit at home and wait on him and that I am horrible for thinking of even finding someone to spend time with... SERIOUSLY ? SERIOUSLY?

After that last text... I called him and said quit, just stop. I told him he has NO RIGHT to disrespect me in such a way, that I have done everything in my power to stand by him and understand, but that he was not going to push his guilty concience on me and make me feel bad for doing NOTHING wrong. He got pissed off at me and told me to have fun and he would talk to me SOMEDAY and hung up on me...

Then about 15 mins later I get this text....I just want to say im sorry. i am such an a$$hole and you don't deserve to be treated like that or spoke to like that. I will never want you to hate me i always want to be your friend if nothing else. You deserve better than me. I hope you will still love me because I do you.

HAHHH do you think I am going to respond to your stupid a$$ ?? NOPE !!!
The drama goes on... but it's pretty ridiculious... Just wanted to let you know where my funk is coming from.... The girl he last saw is in town this week for spring break and guess who she is staying with? shacking up with? I told my sister this morning that this is the end. That every day that goes by, I hate him more for what he has put me through and by the time this week is over and that girl is gone and he tries to call me after she leaves, I hope I am done with those feelings and can finally stick my ground !!!


ON TO MY WEIGHT... it's been 2 weeks ago today that I got half of my fluids removed from my bad due to the trouble I was having. I figured I would have gained a few lbs back by now... especially with the stress I have been under. Plus I am bloated and retaining water... that time of the month *UGH* but when I weighed this morning I was down .6 lbs... I know that's nothing but it's sooo much better than a gain. I think it might be a little less if I wasn't holding onto this water :)

Sooo at least that is a positive. I bought some new sexy barely there underwear this weekend while shopping with my sister, some stockings to go with my new garters and some cute new outfits. I am wearing one today and have gotten tons of compliments, so that definately makes me feel a little better.

I have so much reading to do on everyone's blogs and I'm about to get to it. LOTS OF LOVE to everyone !!!

My date with Chuck

I forgot to give details on my date tuesday with Chuck. Well he was a perfect gentleman. We had a great time visiting and talking, you know the normal get to know you preliminary stuff. He is a bit older than me, but that's okay. Seems to be more mature than what I have been dealing with lately. He is very well mannered and he was nervous, which was really cute. We visited over coffee and juice for me and it was really nice. He gave me a really nice hug and kiss on the cheek when I left. Sooo the emails between us have been flying back and forth since then and he is so flattering and so sweet. It's nice to have the amazing compliments he is showering me with. I am so looking forward to hanging out with him again.

Wish me luck gang :)

Missing in Action

Sorry for the missing in action routine. This week has been one for the books... a book I wouldn't mind burning and getting rid of. Was still having trouble at the first of the week on Monday with not able to keep foods down. After trying to eat a small salad on Monday, and getting personal with my trash can I decided I had had enough. I called to make an appt to get an UN FILL ! I also scheduled my physical therapy for my arm and wrist. I took Tuesday off to do all of this. I went Tues morning for my un-fill and found out that I was basically torturing myself for the last 11 days. They asked why I waited so long before getting some taken out. I tried to explain that I had never had any problems with my fills and I thought after a couple of days it would work itself out. The nurse informed me that it won't get better that it only gets worse. She said the more I throw up the more inflamed and irritated my stomach gets and then it's hard to even keep down liquids... I said yep.... I know that :P SOoo I guess I wasn't doing myself any favors. According to the scales I lost 9.6 lbs in those 11 days. THAT's crazy !!! Nice to be down, but I know that is sooo not the healthiest way to do it, and not the most comfortable either.

Physical therapy went well. She wants me to start using a different type of mouse at work... guess I should at home too. That will take some getting used to. Therapy was pretty good, I had a love hate relation with the massage... it hurt but felt good at the same time. They did a sonogram on my arm as well, she said that was to help get blood flow moving and to try to losen up those tendons, she showed me how tight they were and she was trying to relax that. All in all it was good. Then after PT, I went to treat myself and got my nails done.

Oh and for those of you that are interested in an update on the relationship front... well without going into to many ugly details... I went on a date Tuesday night, figured it was only fair because Michael went out of town again for a date in Huntsville. I told him I was going and he told me to send his number and all the info I had on him and text it to him in case something happened to me... DO I LOOK THAT STUPID??? so you can STALK HIM ? So you could call him and threaten him for dating the girl you are letting slip through your fingers because your too stupid to realize how stupid you are actually being? NO THANK YOU !!! So he calls me later about midnight and asks where I am. I told him on my way home. He asked what time I left, I said around 7 and then he flew off the handle... why were you with him that long? what did you do? why did it take so long? where did you go. I said what's with the 3rd degree. What about you and your date... you do remember your on a date too.......... STUPID. He actually said, well I don't think I am going to get the truth out of you so I will stop asking. I had enough. I told him I was sick of his double standard bullshit and told him have a good time, goodbye and hung up. He tried to call back and I didn't answer and so he left a pittyful apology and then texted me one as well. When he got back I told him we needed to have a talk and I told him I was begining to resent him and that I was losing respect and it was making me more angry now. I told him I was tired of being the fall back girl and that I deserved to be the one selected, not the default. He said to me if that's the way I truely feel then he would take his leave and when he straighted up he would come back and see if I was available at that time. I told him to go. I KNOW he wasn't expecting that. I said I am not going to have you threaten me that your gonna leave... just go. I said your doing me NO favors by staying and stringing me along besides causeing me more stress and pain and drama and I don't need any of the above. Then his tune changed. He said I don't want to leave, I said will it just might be the best idea he has had in some time.

What is it that he cannot get it through his head I am not letting him have his cake and eat it too... I'm just done. I wish my heart was as done as my mind is... the heart is what I am fighting with so much right now... damn HEART !!!

I have to get onto reading up on all my friends... sorry again for being away... I will be a better girl :)

Update on Relationship

If that's what you want to call it.... I got some really good advice from fellow Blogger, Kim... such a wise girl. Well I had a talking to with Michael night before last and I told him straight out that the way he was acting was stupid. I told him if he loved me like he said he did and if he was so afraid of losing me then he would grow up and fight these childish urges to flirt with other women. I told him that his adolescent behavior was definitely gonna cost him in the long run. He asked me to stay the night as we were over at his place and I actually said no... that's a first. I hated it but I knew I needed to do it. I told him I thought some time away might do him some good, might make him appreciate what exactly he's in the process of losing. He said he didn't want time apart. I told him I wasn't going to be with him and sit around and watch and listen to him talk to other girls, to watch him text them on his cell or chat with them online. He's gonna have to figure it out on his own. I left and about 10 mins down the road called to tell him I love him and I think he was actually crying. Not that I was going to ask and point it out, but he told me to drive safely several times and not to drive to fast and he told me over and over again that he didn't want to be with out me, but he was just trying to figure things out. I can respect him telling me how he feels, but I can't handle this constant rollercoaster of emotions I am having. I get car sick... haha :) There's not enough Dramamine to handle that :) I love him to pieces, but I think it's best I step aside just a bit and give him some time to actually MISS ME.... I know he's worried. I can tell by the way he's been acting since... he is so worried I am gonna find someone new. He actually told me yesterday that there was a difference because the girls he is conversating with live over 3 hours away and that they tell him that most of the guys they talk to are 40 or older and not at all interesting. He told me, Ben is just down the street and local and that he has seen the guys that are interested in me and they are young and handsome and are guys that any girl would like to go out with... AND ?? I can restrain from throwing myself at ever cute guy that walks by... I can handle being commited... I don't jump at every temptation that arises... GEEZE !!! It's kinda funny that he's trying to make sure when I am off work that he spends that time with me, I think just so he knows I am not out with anyone else... it's quite funny.
I however am not going to hold back and just sit around and wait... I am going to have fun and do fun things and if when he straightens up his act, I am still available, well maybe we will cross that bridge when it gets here.

Anyway... stay tuned for further updates...

I could not get in to update my last post, so I am updating my tracker here !!

Bitter Sweet Weigh In

Yep... I am having a bitter sweet weigh in today. I posted on my fill from last thursday that has been giving me such problems and guess what... I still have the same problem. It is so frustrating. I get choked up over liquids even. I am unable to finish a full yogurt in 1 sitting. It takes me 3 bites maybe and I'm feeling stuck. Yesterday I got choked up on my drink and it had me getting way to personal with my work trash can. I found some sugar free hawaiian punch singles right after my surgery at WalMart, which tastes just like the real thing and they come in a box of like 10 or 12 for $1. can't beat that. Well I recently found the same thing but in a lemon berry flavor.... OH MY GOSH, YUMMY... Well anyway, I stopped by the store yesterday to get some soup... I have got to keep something down, but no luck. It just seems to get everything stuck and it all comes back up.... so after 6 days now of this... I did my weigh in this morning and down 5 lbs.... I love that I lost, but this is definitely not the way I want to lose it. I thought by now it would even itself out and it wouldn't be so tight, but I am still not having luck. I am seriously thinking about getting some taken out, just finding the time to do so this week is gonna be difficult, we are already short handed as it is.

TOTAL LOSS THUS FAR !!!

Welcome to the 2008 edition of gettting to know your friends.

1. What is your occupation? Marketing & Contract Specialist
2. What color are your socks right now? white
3. What are you listening to right now? radio, mix station
4. What was the last thing that you ate? refried beans from taco bueno, thinned out with salsa
5. Can you drive a stick shift? no
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? a sales rep for our company
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Don't really know them
8. How old are you today? 31
9. What is your favorite sport to watch? Hockey
10. What is your favorite drink? ice tea
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yep
12. Favorite food(s)? popcorn, peanut butter, chips and queso
13. What was the last movie you watched? The Spiderwick Chronicles
14. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving
15. How do you vent anger? raise my voice
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? barbie's and dolls
17. What is your favorite season? fall
18. Hugs or Kisses? Both
19. Cherries or Blueberries - Cherries
20. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? IF they want
21. Who is the most likely to respond? Kim
22. Who is least likely to respond? not sure
23. Living where? Texas
24. When was the last time you cried? yesterday...see putting it in neutral
25. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes
26. Who is the friend you have had the longest? JoAnna
27. What did you do last night? went to a movie and dinner and then spent the rest of the evening with Michael at home.
28. Favorite smell? Mulberry
29. What inspires you? my family
30. What are you most afraid of? failing
31. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
32. Favorite dog breed(s)? I love em all
33. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
34. How many states have you lived in? 2, Texas and New Mexico
35. What is your favorite way to relax? go to the movies

Movie Review by ME

I would never claim to be a movie critique, I am not as picky as they are. I love a movie for simple reasons and all that cinematogrophy stuff doesn't really matter as much to me as the normal so called critiques.

I saw Jumper and The Spiderwick Chronicles this weekend. I liked both of them.

Jumper was pretty good, action packed and made me wanna be able to do that too for sure :) I want a super power, or maybe a couple. A different power for each day would be fun too.

I saw Spiderwick Chronicles yesterday and it was super cute. I am not above going to see a kids movie :) I think I enjoyed it as much if not more than all the children that surrounded us. I do have to say that is the quietest I have ever been in a theatre when there were so many children. I couldn't believe how quiet it was. Maybe they were just that into the movie as well. It was a really cute story.

v-day fill

My cup boil-ith over... that's an understatement. I think what goes down must come up should be my new motto. I think I got over filled... for sure. I am having the hardest time keeping anything down. Even yogurt is giving me grief. Taking my meds, even drinking a couple of sips of milk. I visited the bathroom at Applebee's so many times Sat night, I think they thought I was going to take up residence in there. I went to the bathroom 5 times. My waitor I'm sure was wondering what was wrong when I didn't touch a thing on my plate. I had a cheese stick prior to my plate arriving and that was all she wrote... nothing more after that would work. Makes for good left overs for Michael I suppose.

The only thing I have managed to keep down was the soup on friday evening. Saturday I tossed my food, yesterday at breakfast I had 2 bites and tossed that. The waitress asked my friend when I went to the bathroom if there was something wrong with my breakfast, and she told her no, it was fine. Last night after an afternoon of shopping and a movie with a girlfriend.... digressing here....... I went to the Cacique store that's near by to find some sexy understuffs :) and I hit the jackpot, I got 3 hot little teddies, 1 bustier with garter straps, a jean jacket and a couple of shirts for $108 bucks. I saved 116 bucks... it was crazy. I felt like a shopping goddess being able to get such a deal :) go ME go ME !! ... okay back on topic now... after the movie I suggested soup'er salad to eat, I knew I could try some soup there. They had some baked salmon soup which was amazing and being able to serve it myself, I got more juice than meaty stuff and that was perfect. I tried to eat some salad but it got stuck and put me in the bathroom 2 times. So after that clearing I just stuck with the soup, it was really good.

I know I should go get some taken out, but I hate to do that. So I was going to try to wait it out until it just evened itself out.

So far this morning, I managed to get my banana cream flavored yogurt down and it only took me nearly 2 hours to do that :) but hey it's down and staying there :)

Putting it in Neutral

Well I wasn't sure if I was going to post about this or not, but it's something in my life and it's causing not only heartache but daily stresses... so where better than to spill my guts. About a week ago, Michael came to me and told me that he was having a problem. I could tell by the way he was acting it was about to be my problem. Well he told me that he was having urges to flirt and talk to other girls. He said he didn't want to do it because he didn't want to disrespect me, but it was something that was tempting him. (just a little history)--- Michael has basically been married most of his life--10 years, he's only 29-- he hasn't even been divorced a year yet and he's had one girlfriend prior to me. Soooo he has never really dated, never done alot of flirting and talking with other girls. **M** was his wife and **B** was his ex girlfriend who he ended up cheating on both of at the end of their relationships. (he cheated on **M** with **B** and then cheated on **B** with **M**) Thank goodness **M** has moved to Portland and **B** just moved to Oklahoma... so he isn't tempted by the 2 of them :) haha

Michael never expressed such feelings to either of them, he just cheated. So it tells me alot that he actually wanted to have this conversation with me. We talked about it for awhile, and I see where he is coming from. He doesn't want to ruin what we have because he says he knows I am the one and that he wants to end up with me for the rest of his life. He just says he needs to get this out of his system, so that when we and if we get back together, then he can be all about me again. (DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?) I am trying to make sense of it all myself, and let me tell you, it's not easy. I do love him and I am doing my best to be understanding and okay with giving him his freedom. He says we will still date and spend time together, just not as committed as we have been these last couple of months.

Well.... Mr. I am not a Jealous person (or so he told me when we met) really did turn out to be SUPER JEALOUS, when some guy asked me out to dinner at The Grotto, a very upscale restraunt in the area. I had heard about the restraunt by my bosses and people that could afford that kinda stuff, but had never been there, so I was kinda interested in going. But I was not keen on the idea of going on a date with some other guy.

Michael hated it, and admitted that he guessed was jealous after all, that he had never been jealous in his past 2 relationships, but for some reason didn't want to share me at all. He said that was not fair of him to say because he was the one with this idea.

He is sorta funny how he is trying to mark his territory at my apt just in case I invite someone over. He bought me 2 dozen tulips (my fav) for v-day and then bought me a dozen silk tulips and they are in a vase that appears to have water in it, but it's fake... it's the coolest vase. He told me those will last forever and you can show them to any guy that comes over and tell them that your BOYFRIEND got those for you. I just laughed. One of the cards he gave me for v-day said that he hoped I would wait for him.

Last night he broke down and told me that he was scared that he was going to "goof off" too long and that I would find someone else before he got him "mind" straight and that he would lose me forever. He said he couldn't bear that thought. I told him if that was the case and he felt so strongly he wouldn't be doing this mess. He said I was right. It totally breaks my heart, but what am I to do. I can't sit around and be a fool waiting for something and someone I don't know will get his "mind" right. Then I would be as big a fool as he is being now. I do somewhat understand what he is thinking and I would definitely prefer him get this dating junk out of the way NOW verses a few years down the road.

I decided to go out on Friday with Ben to the Grotto... only because Michael headed to oklahoma for a date with Liz. I had a great time at the Grotto, it was beautiful and I loved the She-crab Soup... that's all I could eat. I have had the worst time with this last fill---more on that in the next post--but the soup was fantastic. Ben had the duck and said it was wonderful as well. Ben was really sweet, complimented me endlessly. I always love hearing my pictures don't do me justice. He loved my outfit... have to say I was looking cute. had the knee high boots on and was all spiffied up... that always makes me feel good. He was nice, and I can see us being friends, but I am so not interested in anything more. Michael had fun on his date, said the girl was "cool" but then when he got home the next day she called and said she wasn't interested in persuing anything. OUCH that's gotta hurt !!!

Well that's about all I have on this topic for now... it kills me to think about it and talk about it. It's stressful on a daily basis. I'm sure there will be more to come.

FILL 'ER UP !!!

I had a fill this morning... let me tell you I was dragging butt trying to get there by 745 this morning. Michael decided he wanted to go see Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins (wasn't on my list of movies I wanted to see--but I let him have his way) but the movie didn't start until 1015... so by the time it was over and we got back home, I wasn't in bed until after 1:30. So 6:30 came way to quickly this morning.

I went to get my fill, this is my 3rd. We had a little snaffu... I don't know for sure, but I think the girl doing my fill was fairly new. She had a hard time getting the needle in the right spot. After digging around a little bit ( I should of requested the numbing--but I didn't know she was going on an expedition) She dug around a bit and then called in another nurse for help. That nurse dug around a bit and said there was something wrong with the needles, so she decided to try with another needle. Still no go, so she said they were going to take me to x-ray... OKAY.. I am starting to freak... what have I done wrong, what's the problem. She said it was not uncommon and that there was nothing wrong. They were going to take me to xray so they could see the entry to the port easier. The 2nd nurse was giving the first nurse directions on how to read the screen and what angle to go in at. I was thinking, I don't remember the disclaimer that said you waive your rights by using this nurse who doesn't know what she is doing yet. Where is my warning, where to I veto that option? I think she needs to practice a few more times on an orange or something. I don't want to be a guinea pig especially when it comes to long needles being injected into my stomach.

It wasn't all that bad, but funny all the same. I got a 1.2 cc fill today which I could definitely tell when trying to drink my water. I could feel it gurgling down. I had lost 1.8 more lbs since Tuesday. That's pretty cool I think.

I hope your all having a fantastic Valentines Day !!!

Telephone Company

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.

He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose ..

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. Thought you'd like to know

My ABC's

Got this from Anonymous... cute

A - Age: 31

B - Bed size: Queen

C - Chores you hate: dusting

D - Dessert you love: pecan pie

E - Essential start your day item: Hot Shower

F - Favourite actor(s): Ashley Judd, Hilary Swank, Denzel Washington

G - Gold or Silver: Silver

H - Height: 5'6"

I - Instruments you play: None now, but have played clarinet, trumpet, trombone, and piano

J - Job title: Marketing & Contract Specialist

K - Kids: none, just my 2 sweet doggies

L - Living arrangements: Loft apt north of Dallas

M - My name is: McQty

N - Nicknames: nope

O - Overnight hospital stays: Viral Meningitis, Back surgery

P - Pet Peeve: traffic, people around me not doing their job (causes me more work), bad kissers

Q - Favourite quote: don't have one

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: One younger sister, 3 half brothers, 2 half sisters

T - Time you woke up today: 830

U - Unique habit: I surround myself with pillows when sleeping

V - Vegetable you hate: onions, cooked broccoli (I like it raw and in salads) there are more, just can't think of them right now.

W - Wishing for: new position I am going to apply for at work.

X - X-rays you’ve had: Back, arm, wrist, teeth, chest, ankle, sinuses

Y - Yummy food you make: chicken fajitas, salmon coquettes, breakfast muffins, rice crispy treats

Z - Zodiac Sign: Sagitarius

Truth be told !!

Weighing In

Well I wasn't really going to weigh in until Thursday when I go for my next fill, but I had to stop by the Dr office this morning because I have been having troubles with my arm the last several days and it is just getting worse. Hurts to extend it and to pick up anything... so after my little visit found out that I pulled my bicep tendon. OUCH... so anti-inflam meds and try best not to use it... hard to do when it's my right arm, the one I do everything with.

Onto a happier topic.......... weigh in... 6 lbs DOWN !!! WEE :) good deal. My dr's scale is usually off a little bit, so I know it will be even better on Thurs when I go for my fill. They have a more acurate scale... so I'm hoping closer to be down 10. I won't be disappointed but would be super excited to be down even more :)



Hope all you other "Losers" have a wonderful Tuesday !!!

I have never been so happy to be a "loser" in my life :)

Say CHEESE

Cancelled my Fill

I cancelled my fill I was scheduled to get today. I didn't think it was a good idea with the nausea I had over the weekend and not being able to eat really at all. I pushed it back until next week. I get so frustrated sometimes because one day one thing will go down just fine and the next it won't budge. It's so odd how it varies so much from day to day literally. Michael was happy about me rescheduling. Everytime I have to go to the bathroom he asks if I should call the dr. I have told him that it's nothing that the dr is going to do except to tell me not to eat that, or eat slower or something of the sort. It's a daily experiment I guess you could say :)

I had some faboulous chicken noodle soup from the cafeteria here at work yesterday. It was sooo yummy, had a good flavor and the noodles were really small so they didn't bother me at all. I did ask her to put in more broth and less noodles and she was fine with that. There was no soup today, it went out early, but I inquired about what she might have for tomorrow and she told me to pick... chicken enchilada soup or tortillia soup... hmmm both sound good... lets go with the chicken enchilada soup. I remember seeing it before but not trying it. Sooo maybe I will tomorrow especially since I picked :)

Men are such children at times

I forgot to mention in my updates and info on superbowl day that Michael got hurt. Yeah during the game he was leaning over one of the bar/eating areas and one of his enhiberated (drunk out of his ever-loving mind) friends decides to hug Michael so hard that they fell on the bar and Michaels head became the cushion. Well he had a nice little goose egg on his head afterwards behind his left ear area. So last night when I got home from work I grab the bag of frozen mozz cheese I have in the freezer and tell him to lay his head back on it. He laughs at me when he sees the cheese in my hand. I said it's softer than the chicken breasts. He was pretty beat last night... LITERALLY I guess and just layed in my lap while I watched a little TV. He had me laughing because he was talking in his sleep, it's usually about work as it was this time--something about 4 people in the elevators and about a woman with a mustache...don't know what that was about, but it was funny. He never remembers what he says, but it's all the same, entertaining. The ER dr said that she didn't feel anything on his head except for the "normal bumps" that are on your head... who has "normal bumps" on your head ? hahah well Michael does. She told him to come back if he gets nausious or passes out. Yeah Michael, drive yourself to the ER as soon as you pass out...
He went into work today although feeling nausious this morning, I have been calling to check up on him every so often and he still seems to be nausious. I told him to go back to the ER and make them check his head, better to be safe than sorry.

No Dinning out for the Obese in Mississippi

WHAT THE HECK ???

I ran across this while reading through some other blogs... I was infuriated once I read this.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS....Legislators in Mississippi want to make it illegal for restaurants to serve obese customers in Mississippi.

House Bill 282 says:
Any food establishment to which this section applies shall not be allowed to serve food to any person who is obese, based on criteria prescribed by the State Department of Health after consultation with the Mississippi Council on Obesity Prevention and Management established under Section 41-101-1 or its successor. The State Department of Health shall prepare written materials that describe and explain the criteria for determining whether a person is obese, and shall provide those materials to all food establishments to which this section applies. A food establishment shall be entitled to rely on the criteria for obesity in those written materials when determining whether or not it is allowed to serve food to any person.

The proposal would allow health inspectors to yank the permit from any restaurant that “repeatedly” feeds extremely overweight customers.
The bill, written by GOP Rep. W. T. Mayhall Jr., was referred to the Judiciary and Public Health committees, but is not expected to garner much support. Hopefully it will be turned down and a REAL solution to the state’s obesity problem.

I know I am on a new track to be more aware of what passes over my lips and through my gums... but still I think everyone should have the freedom to decide just what and how much of what they wish to put in their own mouths. I am just beside myself at the gall of some of these legislature people.

Check out (HERE) and (THERE) of some other bloggers who have weighed in on the topic !!

PUTTING YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER

PUTTING YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER---women are pure GENIUS

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.' The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into The waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini.

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.' The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences. After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, ' Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS.

The woman said, 'I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

Superbowl Sunday

HOW WAS YOURS???

My super bowl sunday was pretty darn good. Michael rented out a private theatre at the Studio Movie Grill--if your not familiar it's a movie theatre where they serve you dinner and drinks while you watch your movie... it's alot of fun.

So we had our own private theatre for about 35 friends that actually got to make it. I'm glad no more showed up and you will know why in a few.... this was the best idea I (yes it was all mine) came up with. It was so fun to get so many of Michael's friends all together and have room to stretch out and have someone else wait on you hand and foot while you watched the superbowl on a MOVIE SCREEN... the players were bigger than lifesize... so cool. I highly recommend this to anyone with the means to do so... Although the Patriots didn't pull out the perfect season finaly it was definitely a game I will never forget!

I do have to say that Michael got a little to generous... as he usually does when he gets his friends together. He started buying drinks... for everyone (OMG). SMG (studio movie grill) is not cheap when it comes to drinks, not even close !

I don't mind when the pitchers of beer ar $5 that Michael buys drinks... but when the pitchers are $15 at least and the shots are $6.50 each... they don't need to be bought in rounds of 30... OMG again.

They reprinted our check 11 times... due to all the additions... I finally had to pull the reins and told Michael to cut it out... he's good to listen when I lay down the law... our tab alone was over $399 bucks and that's NOT including the theatre rental. I was fine until the manager told me that when the other people were receiving their bills they were telling the waiters that Michael was paying for it all.......... OHHHHHHHHH NOOOO SIR !!!

I took that manager to the side and asked he print up every tab for every person and bring them to me. Then when he came back, I took him to every person and said look at your bill... is that what you ordered?? Yes? Okay, now pay it !!! In a little nicer way :) but I was not going to have anyone take advantage of a good thing. Michael had already paid for the theatre and for most of everyone's drinks... we are not feeding your bum asses too... --not bums, but I didn't want anyone to "accidentally" forget to pay their tab !!! There that was handled !!!

I got alot of props for the way I ran things at the party... tons of hugs followed by this is the best Superbowl I have ever been to, even got a great compliment from one of his closest friends who grabed me and pulled me aside to tell me, he was thanked God that I stole Michael because he hated that last "bitch"... I didn't steal anyone for the record... he was single and looking when HE found me :) but thanks Pat, your a sweetheart of a guy for saying so.

So as we are standing outside at the halftime smoke break, I hear Michael tell everyone to head to our place (my small place) after the game... I was like what? YOU MEAN MY SHOE BOX LOFT APT? ummm well okay. And sure enough a dozen or show came over. But it was nice, the guys got to the PS2 and played some games, the girls just fussed over Priss in her valentines dress and goober too. (I have to take some pic of her in her new dress--coming soon) It was fun.

I took tons of pic last night and downloaded them at home.. will need to post some pics.

Hope you all had a wonderful SUPER BOWL TOO !!

Catching up

I know I have been away for awhile... tooo long...

Last week.. Tuesday, Michael and I took a couple of days off and headed back home. He finally got some time off and so we could get away for a bit. He had met my sister's family but not my mom and grandpa yet, so here we go. Headed home and had a great couple of days visit. He was a hit with mom and pop. They both loved him and that of course means alot to me... very important. He liked them alot too. He did alot of running around with my grandpa which I just found to be so cute. I got to see my sister's kiddos which always makes me happy. I miss them so much when they are not around for awhile. They are what I get homesick for... not so much as going back home, but just hanging out with the kids. We watched a couple of movies on my sister's new big screen... it's ridiculious :) Will do a movie review and update in another post here shortly !!

Okay so headed to sonic to get an apple juice slush (those ROCK) with mom and crack... my window bracket breaks... I can't roll my window up... what the heck... are you kidding me... SERIOUSLY !!! Well thank goodness for no rain that night. Thursday morning we wake up to head back home and what the heck... it's snowing outside... are you kidding me??

Well my mom bundles us both up including the 2 dogs which are piled into my lap and between my feet. She sets Michael up with a huge coffee and we head home... Michael manages to turn a 3 hour trip into 2 including a couple of stops with our driver window down... he didn't want to fix it until we got home to his friend who's the "car" guy! Boy... what a trip! But it was kinda funny and somewhat of our first adventure :) first of many I am sure.

After getting home and thawing out we decide to hit a movie... so Rambo here we come. It was actually pretty good. The war and fighting scenes seemed all to real and I was not bored at all. Turned out to be a good day after all.

Friday morning I wake up off and on through the night with some nausea, when getting up at 530 to get Michael ready for work it hit me full force... I was in the downstairs bathroom tossing my cookies... but there were no cookies to toss... so it was just alot of dry heaving and that hurts sooo dang bad. I hate to throw up... it sends those sharp tingles down the muscles in my back that just sting so bad. After getting him off to work I lay back down before I am to head off myself. After a couple hours the nausea is still there... So I make the call to tell the boss, me and work are not happening today and then I went back to bed. I was so sore... just everything seemed to ache and all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn't dare eat anything and when I tried to sip some crystal light... it came back up too... sooo no more drinking either. The ex called to remind me he was coming into town today to get the rest of his stuff that he had left behind when we split... I said go ahead, just don't expect help... too sick. He came by and packed up while I layed wrapped up like a burrito on the couch... I knew something was wrong when I was freezing... I am never cold. YEP.. had a slight fever. So between the bathroom and the couch we became very friendly all day. Michael got off earlier than he expected which was great and he wanted me to ride along with him to run his errands in his part of town. I love being with him no matter what we are doing, but don't know if the car ride was the best idea... the nausea was hanging on to me like the plague... but with nothing in my system, there was nothing to throw up :) . Michael wanted to grab some dinner... he hit Sonic... I got an apple juice slush to try to see if that would work and it did fine... I sipped it slowly. After all the running around I got some gatorade on the way home to drink before bed. It went down and stayed down well. Saturday still a little nausious but found the nausea meds they gave me for after surgery that I didn't need to use and took that... boy that worked wonders. Popped those babies every 4 hours as allowed and that got me through the day well. I managed to have some broth later saturday night as Michael and his friend Pat enjoyed some delicious smelling chinese. But that's okay... I wasn't about to dare anything more than that broth and some tea.

For anyone who made it this far... BLESS YOU !!! I know this post was here and there and back again, but keep coming back off and on as I work so it might be alot of ramblings... I'm sure it is actually, but that's how my brain works at times.

Was this guy a BLONDE??? Do tell me...

I read this the other day and just could not stop laughing. I could actually visualize this happening and I was brought to tears laughing about it. Hope you enjoy !!


A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this as a 'short' story for his alumni newsletter.

Pocket Taser Stun Gun -- a great gift for the wife...

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking fora little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! Iwas disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.?? AWESOME!!!?

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave!Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !?? There I sat in my recliner, my cat, Gracie, looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it, dumbass," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug"yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-*%#... That hurt like **%! A minute or so later (I can't besure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get upthere??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering asignificant reward for their safe return!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Cloverfield... my movie review

Oh my gosh... where is a barf bag when you need one?

Last night Michael actually got off early, so I left work early to hit the movies... woo hoo... LOVE GOING TO THE MOVIES !! We decided to see Cloverfield.... just an fyi--I am not one that likes to read up on reviews and critiques before seeing a movie. I like to make my own decisions--so I had no clue about this movie.

I couldnt take it. Totally a Blair Witch times 10 on the movement scale. I actually made it through Blair Witch, but was really nausious afterwards... but it wasn't to terribly bad. This I could not say the same for. I have never had a movie affect me in such a way. My mom used to have to dope me up on Dramamine everytime I got into the car because of how bad I would get car sick. I was so in need of Dramamine last night.

I broke out into a cold sweat and had to step out into the hall for some fresh air. I went to the bathroom a couple of times and then finally I told Michael he had to watch the end of the movie to tell me how it ended, but I might need to go out to the car. He told me to tuck my head into his shoulder and close my eye. He had his arm around me and his hand infront of my eyes, but still the sound effects and surround sound were still so intense that it was still knotting up my stomach. I absolutely could NOT handle this movie. It took me a couple of hours to settle down after the movie. I couldn't believe it. It makes me laugh that a movie could have such an affect on someone... physically, but it's so true...

anyone else seen it? tell me your thoughts on the movie and how it made you feel if anything :)

Coming out of the woodwork

What is it when you finally decide to pull your dating advertisement out of the window because you have obtained the one you feel is worthy to date... does all the other men come out of the wood work... in other words when you are no longer single and looking and you have found the one you want to be with, at least at this time... do all the other men come out of hiding. New men, old guys you have dated, ex's realize what they did wrong and want to fix it... it's so crazy to me. I know it goes both ways with women and men... is it more attractive to pursue someone that is already taken? I guess for some folks it is. Michael is making me deliciously happy these days and I have not given anyone else a 2nd thought... but my goodness the men are crawling out of the wood works I tell you, and not just that, coming out of caves that you thought were sealed long ago, creeping out from under the rocks they once crawled under... well you get my drift !

Thomas the most recent ex that turned out to be the bum who wouldn't work... he's been calling quite a bit and not to mention emailing. He professed how much he had screwed up the other day in not trying harder to keep me and do what he needed to do to keep me... I told him it was a little to late for that. I can be his friend but nothing more. He even said he wanted to move back up here near me and that might upset Michael. Michael has nothing to worry about in that sense even if Thomas did move back up here.

Last night I was online and got an instant message from a guy I dated several years ago, probably about 6-7 years ago named Russell. He has since been married and has a great little family going. We say hello from time to time when we see each other on, but nothing to deep... well it got pretty deep last night. Told me about memories he has and cherishes of the time we were and how amazing the time with me really was. He said he mentioned it to his friends at work a few months back. That was quite flattering... Russell was a fav of mine. He asked me last night why I would never let him take me out... I laughed and told him we had a hard time keeping our clothes on when we were together... which was true. I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with him, but I was so much younger then and so not ready to settle down into something extremely serious... timing was just off with us. But I too will remember great memories shared with him. It's always flattering to me to hear I made a wonderful impact on someone and that I am unforgettable in a great way :) He saw some new pics of me and the body transformation going on.. he said he can't believe it, that I was so beautiful back then and that I am just looking finer :) that's so nice to hear !

You might think that was it, but ohhhhhhhh no... an old guy I dated about 4-5 years ago has been emailing me the last couple of days. Told me he would like to catch up and would I like to see him. I told him it would be great to catch up, but I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, told him I had a boyfriend that I cared alot about and was not up for dating anyone else. Here was his reply this morning...

I am glad you have a good guy. I am a little sad, though. I was so excited when you wrote me back and had hopes of dating and getting serious. I have very fond memories(not just sex) of you and holding you as we slept and so much more. But please write any time here or on myspace.

That is so crazy to me. I have no ill feelings for him at all. We just went our separate ways, we lived so far apart at the time, about 1.5 hrs and I am not one for long distance. I like to be able to see my sweety right away if need be and 1.5 hours is not right away. I would love to be friends with him and I could do that with no temptation on my part, but from this last note of his... I don't know that he could be friends with no temptations....

I want to hang out, that's cool that you are with someone. But I know that if we hang, I will try to kiss you at some point.

I think the smartest and safest bet would be to not subject myself to such a situation. So we shall stick to being friends via phone, email or online chatting. I would never want to do something that could hurt or jeopardize anything I have with Michael.

Sorry Baby Blog...

I'm sorry my baby blog for neglecting you for some time now. I just have not had the motivation to write much down, not that life has been put on pause, cause it certainly hasn't, but I am just sick of coughing. I have been battling this darn bronchitis for a little over a week now and it's making me nuts. There so much that's been going on that it's gonna cause this post to be my version of a fruitcake... a little of this and some of that, and throw in some of this stuff too...

Let's see, work has been busy... new year stuff is always that way. New products, new projects, new people, new headaches... not necessarily all in that order. They just recently hired 3 new people who are contracts.. they always hire you as a contract for at least 6 mo before making you permanent, and with the recent turnovers I can see why. This is a tuff job to get used to and not many people stick with it. It takes a good 6 mo to a year to get comfortable with everything, if not longer just due to the fact that things are always changing with products, pricing, procedures, financing... yadda yadda...
Well the newbies, 1 of the 3 just quit to go on full time with his part time job so he could get benefits and insurance... what's sad is the week after he quit they offered full positions to the other 2 newbies... which I think is OBSURD... They are sooo not ready. They can hardly help a customer on their own without getting help from someone nearby. They just are not able to retain the basic information that sometimes is just mere common sense. I so would not recommend making them full employees until they get more settled. I just think it a very stupid decision on our manager's part. Not that the manager has to sit there and listen to the stupid questions they ask, and I know because I happen to be a mentor to one of them... she kills me. I explain something to her and she basically has to write word for word what I said because she is not capable to grasp it in her head... it just doesn't kick in... so wierd. But whatever.

Enough about work...

Things with Michael are going well. We just seem to mesh so well and just flow so smoothly. They are having what they call Market right now, where they have vendors from all over at Trade Mark doing thier thing, promoting their stuff for other vendors... and his hours are NUTS. Not just his hours, because I am the one getting him up and ready for work each morning... so my hours too!!! Saturday we finally got home at 1 when I put him in bed, and then proceeded to wash his uniforms. I had to stay awake long enough to get them washed and into the drier and then headed to bed around 2. Then back up at 445 when getting him in the shower. It's become the cutest routine and one I am actually happy with. I get up and turn on the shower, head downstairs to get all his garb together.. then I lay out his clothes, underware, under shirt, thermals, then uniform, socks and shoes oh and the belt. While he is in the shower I take all his badges and put them all on his clean shirt and then get his munchies together for the day. I have actually gotten up on a couple of mornings to make him fresh breakfast burritos and muffins and wrapped up the brownies I made the night before for him to take to work... I would have never thought I would enjoy such a routine... but he is so appreciative and he shows that and it makes me feel good and needed and that's an awesome feeling. I do not feel obligated as I might have in the past with previous relationships. It's a nice change of pace. I don't mind it at all actually. It's good... really good... and he's still loving me more than his credit score... I just love that. I told you about that right? Ohhh my that's just the best story ever.



The weight loss thing is going well too. Got my second fill last tuesday and they gave me .08cc because of my bronchitis and the yucky drainage I was having... still am having. They said the drainage would affect my fill, so they weren't going to give me much. I am so glad they didn't because the drainage is killing me. Everything I put in my mouth gets stuck... even liquids.. I have to be so careful not to take more than a sip... it's so crazy. I have to get this drainage stopped... need to look up the nearest plumber in the yellow pages, because my alergy pills aren't cutting it. The weight is slowly coming off, but more the inches. I have gone from a size 32 jeans from surgery date (11-29-07) to a size 26 jean 2 weeks ago while shopping with my sister. I was down to a size 28 on my birthday (12-21-07) but just thought I would try a 26 while my sister and I were shopping 2 weeks ago and it actually fit and was actually a little to big... but I bought them on sheer purpose of just having a 26 in my closet again. I can't tell you the last time that happened... it's sooo crazy. I can't believe it. I can't believe the amount of people and remarks I get from people. My bosses boss was telling me the other day that they were going to have to start calling me slim... I just laughed it off. My friend Holly was calling me skinny the other day. She keeps touching my stomach every time I am within arms distance and tells me how she can't believe how fast my stomach has gone down. I know I don't see exactly what they do, but I feel it in my clothes. I notice how much bigger they are and that I am having to tighten up my belt quite a bit... it's such a crazy feeling. I am seeing the lose alot in my upper thighs... I have got to get into the gym to tighten up where I am losing. I so am afraid of lose skin being a big problem.

Michael made me promise I wouldnt lose so much that I was skin and bones and I told him that would never happen... he's so cute. He said you know I love you just like you are. Which is great, but it will be even better when I am looking like a million bucks... will match the way I am feeling !!

Happy New Year to all...