Monday, August 4, 2008

Stranger to You and ME

Yep, that's what I have been lately. I'm sorry I have been MIA... but things have just been so hectic and exhausting frankly. I just have not had the energy or motivation to do anything. I will make an attempt to catch things up.

I previously mentioned Jon, well that was short lived... his 26 year old personality surfaced and really fast. I have to tell you this story.. this is when it all changed for me... things had seemed to be going really well, we were enjoying each other's company. Well my friend Katt (will have to tell you about her in a min) and a friend of hers wanted to go out to dinner together, well Jon was short on funds, and so I told him I wanted to go, and wouldnt mind paying for dinner... no biggie. So we go to dinner... we had before then stopped by the liquor store to get items for cocktails later... about 60 bucks worth of stuff... anywho... so at the restraunt, we get our table and Katt and I go to the restroom, in the mean time while we are gone, Jon and Katt's friend order themselves drinks. When I came back to the table, I was a little suprised b/c I thought we were not going to get drinks at dinner, hence the whole trip to the liquor store....

Well after dinner was over, the waiter puts the check folder on the table near the guys... and Jon proceeds to pick it up and open and look at the cost. (This is just me... but I think it's rude to look at the bill if you KNOW your not the one paying for it or even contributing.) Well after looking at it, he then proceeds to make a HUGE scene about how much his drink cost and there was not enough alcohol in it for it to cost that much and he was not even getting a free glass out of the deal. He then calls the waiter over and starts to complain to him about the cost and not getting a free glass or something. I was mortified... I hate when people make scenes like that. I felt so bad for the waiter. Well then Katt tells Jon to settle down, he has him EMT hat on and he should not be acting like that in public because he is representing EMT's. He didn't care. I paid the bill, not saying a word and got up and proceeded to the door. Then as we got out to the truck he was all what's wrong, why are you so quiet? DUH... cause your an IDIOT who acts like he is 2. Well that didn't last much longer.

KATT.... get this... Katt was a girl I went to Jr high and High School with back home about 3 hours from here. Well I happened to find her on myspace several months back and found out that she had moved away from our home town and was about 45 mins from where I am living... so I told her, to bring her daughters and come for a visit. She came and never left.... no not really... but since that first visit we have been job hunting for her and trying to get her to my area.... it's actually been great. We had not spoken in almost 14 years and it was like we picked up where we left off, just older, wiser and somewhat more mature :) haha We are so much alike, it's scary. I told her last night we were cut from the same mold, mine was just bigger :) I don't know what I would do without her here... she has really been good for me. I recently had to quit my somewhat part time job... I was basically killing myself and feeling it tooo... not enough sleep wears on you. I injured my arm as well... I had to see a specialist and get cortizone shots in my elbow and go through physical therapy to losen up the tighten tendons frommy elbow to my wrist. That was the first of the year and after working my part time job, I re-injured it... and it's a daily reminder.

Well Katt and I decided to get a place together and we found the perfect one and signed our lease on Friday, got our keys and moved all weekend... I am so paying for it today... I think I hurt everywhere... even places I never knew existed. MY HAIR HURTS :) haha

I love the apt... it's actually one I lived at 3-4 years ago before my very brief marriage :) I am very glad to be back in that complex. It's beautiful and the apts just spoil you :)

That's pretty much all I got for now... I hope not to be such a stranger anymore.

I have so much to catch up on with everyone. I hope your all well and doing great.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Lost in a far away place.... on my way back home

First off, thank you JILL for noticing my disappearance :) I have thought about blogging lately, but it seems the stories as of yet, don't sound right with they are coming out of my mouth, I can't imagine what they will look or sounds like on paper as you read them.

Please forgive me if any part of this does not make sense. I am working on about 3 hours of sleep right now and it's just not enough.

I am so sorry for my disappearing act. So much as been going on the last few weeks, I don't even know where to begin, or what exactly I am willing to put down here. There are things as of late I have done that I am so not proud of.

Lets go back about a month ago I guess... Chris was having some issues with his ex (Crystal) she was causing some problems with him and his son and such, and I guess one night they had a long talk and from what I have learned lately, that talk brought back old feelings for him about them and the way things used to be with them, which made him question if he was really over her and what to do about me. He became somewhat distant and I was confused. I tried to get him to talk to me and he just wouldn't open up, he just kept saying he didn't know what he wanted. Well a few days after that I got some messages from "him" on yahoo messenger saying that he didn't want to talk to me and couldn't see me. I was devestated. There was no explanation and that was pretty much it. Well I backed off and didn't call, email, text, NOTHING. Well being hurt and upset I found myself talking to Michael... I KNOW... I was an idiot. Michael swore he was going to change and things would be different if I would just give him another chance... I am so gullable... more of an idiot I think. Well all hell broke lose when some friend of his called and was talking about kissing him and I asked why she was talking to him like that and she was rude and disrespectful to me. He and I got into a huge, manic fight. I hit a brick wall. I know I had a break down. I lost it. I told him I was sick of the disrespect, of the roller coaster ride, of the constant emotional merry-go-round and that I wasn't going to take it anymore... and the rest of the evening was somewhat of a blur... all I can really tell you is that I slept with a razor blade in my hand and that's after the scissors were removed. I woke up the next morning covered in blood, Michael covered in blood, blood on the walls, on the floor in the front door area and in the bathroom. I had massive cuts on my legs, the upper thighs, and outer thighs and 2 long gashes down my arm from my wrist to the middle of my arm. there were cuts all over my hands and I was a little shocked at what I saw. I couldn't even speak. I gathered up my stuff and headed home. I immediately called my mom and told her I needed her and could she please come stay with me for awhile. It killed me to tell her what I had done. I am to smart for that crap. I would never allow anyone to do such a thing if I knew about it and I knew it was wrong. My sister kept asking why... the only explanation I had was that at that moment I felt as though I was tired of being hurt by other people and if I wanted to hurt then I would do it myself and then it just happened. Well my mom came down and stayed with me for a couple of weeks. I totally felt like I was being baby-sat for. If I wasn't at work, my mom was there with me every minute. I felt so bad for making her worry. I was changing clothes after work one day and I happened to turn around and she saw the gashes on my legs and just started to cry. I felt so horrible. For the pain I had caused myself and for the pain and heartache I had caused those I love.

I am still super ashamed of what I have done. I have a daily reminder of it because the marks are still there. I have been putting vitamin-e on there to try to get rid of the scars, but they are slowly fading.

I was online one night playing around on myspace and a guy messages me and says he's new to the area and was looking for friends to show him around. Well his name is Jon and he had just moved here 3 days prior to that from Michigan. He didn't know anyone except his mom and step dad. We talked and talked and talked and it was nice to just visit with someone and not have to worry about anything else. We hit it off pretty good online, then talked on the phone and a few days later, he asked to take me out. He came to pick me up and as we were walking away from my apt toward his truck, here comes Michael literally running up the sidewalk. i was in shock. I didn't know exactly what to do. Michael grabbed me and was pulling me toward him and yelling at me asking why I was doing this to him, why I didn't want to work things out and be with him. He said do you want to be with this guy, it was so embarassing. I kept trying to walk away and he kept jerking me back and pulling my arms. Jon walked up and told him to get his hands off of me or he was going to spend the night in jail. He started jumping toward Jon asking who he was and if he knew that I was his girl and I belonged to him. Jon said I was a grown woman and could make my own choices. Some guy in my apts came running over and asking if I was okay. I just hid behind Jon. (side note... with this weight loss, and getting smaller, I feel more dainty behind a tall hunka man :) It was kinda comical in a way if you can imagine, Michael is 5'5 and 130 lbs and he is jumping at Jon who is 6'1 310, broad chest and big arms.... he's an EMT and volunteer Firefighter. It looked like a jumping bean... I wasn't laughing at the time, but now it's seems funny. Jon was so calm, he didn't get worked up at all. Michael yelled all kinds of stuff on his way to his car, but whatever. It was super embarassing. A lady came down and asked if I was alright and I said yes, she said "that guy" Michael had been sitting in his car for some time and it was really creapy. OMG was I embarrassed. The original guy that ran up to see if I was okay said he saw him jerking me around and wasn't going to stand for that. He asked if I knew him, I couldnt speak... Jon said it is her crazy ex, but she has moved on to better and then he looked at me and said right? I just smiled. We decided to go back inside and just sit for a bit. I told him how sorry I was for all the drama, but he was aware of Michael and his antics before we met, so he said he saw what I was talking about.

In the mean time I have started a 2nd job... it was meant to be a part time job but is more along the lines of a full time since the first 3 weeks I have worked 36 hours along with my 40 hours day job. It's been rough, but it's been good for me too. I am exhausted though. I have not had a day off in 3 weeks.

Well anyway... this is somewhat of an update... I know I left some stuff out, but I'm sure it will fill itself in eventually. One more note... Chris has been calling lately and that's how I found out that it was not him sending me those previous messages, Crystal his ex got into his email account and his myspace account and was sending bad stuff to me, a couple of his friends, and his sister. I had to delete him as my friend on myspace so she could not send me ugly emails and such. Yeah she's real mature huh?

Hope all is well with everyone. I have missed my blog... but I guess in a way I was ashamed of some of the things that have gone on and it made me feel bad to even tell strangers who have no bearing on the matter. Guess it's more of am embarrassment to myself.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Enough Said....

A friend of mine sent this to me today, and it was just what I needed...

To my sisters in the Lord... There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a closelook at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is,or at who made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in herlife? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Beforeyou make this mistake, take a closer look. A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wisdom,someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have madeher stronger. Think of all the great women in the Bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth andNaomi, the woman with an issue of blood, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus wasdone with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunatein marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, shehad married one of the wealthiest men in the land. Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to holdher up. Before you wonder,' What's up with her?' ask yourself,'What's up with me?' That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt,in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend,or co-worker, etc. That woman could be ME. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let'sbuild and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Pass this to all the women in your life. Encourage and love, forgiveand forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will betouched in some way. May the peace and love of Christ be upon you!

Lie Detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually an infallible lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?", they asked." Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project" said Tommy.

The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and we watched a movie."
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I'm ashamed of you Son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a round house right that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears.
"Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times! ! !



THIS WAS MY FUNNY FOR THE DAY !!!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

I'm a little bit of a LOSER



HAHA... and you thought that this was going to be one of those poor, poor, pittiful me posts....... NOT this time :) I am just a little bit of a loser... I didn't weigh last week, just got wrapped in the daily dealings that go on in my life... boy I tell you it's something crazy from one day to the next. A friend said I need a reality TV show... she said it's quite entertaining from her point of view :)

I am down just a little in the last couple of weeks, definitely not as much as I would like, but keep in mind, I have not had another fill since they took out half of my fluids back the week after Valentine's, so I am actually pretty proud of myself for not packing the pounds back on :) I am definately not feeling restricted... I do need to go get a fill, just need to find some time to do so... hmmmm will have to call and see if they can squeeeeeze me in sometime the end of this week.

Just been out of pocket this last week or so, but it's all been really good. I hope everyone is well and doing great, and being big losers :)

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Girlie Problems

I know problems... like I haven't had my share. I have had some issues lately as far as cramping like ALL the time. I have never been one to have cramps much. Maybe the first day of my "monthly visit" but nothing severe and nothing that was curled up crying like a baby bad. Well in the last month I have been so abnormal it's scary. I had my monthly visit for a week and a half when normall I am a 4-5 day at the most kinda girl... so a week and a half, I thought I was dying slowly. Then it finally stopped... about 4 days later I started spotting, but not all the time, maybe just in the evenings and then nothing the next day and then maybe the morning of the following morning... it was so supratic it was just odd. While I was out of work and my mom was here I was having the worst cramps I have ever had and I wasn't even having a visitor at that time... so I could not figure out what it was causing this problem.

Well I had a visit with my "Girlie" doctor yesterday and the first thing she said was gosh your hair is getting so long (down almost to my butt again) and where have you been? It's been almost 2 years since I last saw her... I know bad me, but hey what can I say... life has been happening.

Last I saw her I was recooping from a LEAP procedure where they surgically removed pre-cancerous cells from my cervix... that surgery went very well and recovery was good as well.

Soooo she is testing to see if that may have returned and she also wants me to come back on the 8th for a sonogram to take a look at my uterus to see if something is wrong which would be causing my cramps.

Gosh I hope it's just the weight loss and stress that has reaked havoc on my system.... hoping a few days away this weekend will help get me back on track. I am heading out of town tomorrow to go see my family back home. I am super excited.... takeing Chris and his son Daniel along as well. My mom got to meet Chris, Daniel and Chris's mom when she was here for that week. She liked them all very much, which was a great feeling for me. My families opinions matter alot to me. Then my sister and her 3 kids got to meet Chris but didn't get to meet Daniel his son yet. So we are getting stuff together to take my grandpa fishing on saturday so my mom's gonna make up some picnic foods and snacks and we are all gonna make a family event of it. I am super excited to get away from my daily stress and unwind a little.

So long Mickey and Minnie

This is tooo funny... we have had a mouse problem in our building and our work awhile back... it was kinda freaky the day I got in my desk drawer and saw my honey and ketsup packets with little tiny teeth marks in them.... it was soooo icky. I cleaned it up, cleaned it with bleach and got rid of any food... except for the things in my covered containers. Well they put down some sticky boards under the desks to catch any stragglers hanging around. Well I haven't seen mickey or minnie lately, but we got the funniest email this morning from HQ about the "alien invaders" I am blocking out my company's name just cause I think I should :) haha

WE NEED YOUR HELP !!

Due to the short winter, increased rainfall, and the smorgasbord provided by our employees, we are experiencing an influx of mice. The only thing that Facilities is legally permitted to do is put out sticky boards. We cannot fumigate, use poison, or bring in cats. This problem will NOT go away until the mice STOP being fed at the (removed Company) Employee BUFFET.

I will ask you all again to please insure that if your employees have food items, candy, etc. in/on/near their desks that they are stored in hard surfaced, tightly sealed containers. This is something we should all be doing anyway. Ziploc baggies do not count. Glass enclosed credenzas do not count. Overhead bins do not count. Metal cabinets do not count.

If your department has a luncheon, party, meeting, etc., please make sure that all the leftover food gets put up, thrown away, or stored properly as soon as possible. Do not let it stay out all day. You can’t cover it up and let it stay out on a table overnight – no matter what it is. This is a magnet for our unwelcome guests.

Pest Control is on site every Friday. If you see any mice or bugs, please call the Helpline (X 3333) and put in a work order so they can check out that area, treat it, monitor it, etc. We have no mice problems in the cafeteria, break rooms, or areas of the building other than yours!! According to our Pest Control vendor, this is because there is no open food in these other areas.

If one of these pesky mice gets stuck on a sticky board, please call Security at X 3333 or the dock at X 3333 or X 3333 and they will remove them right away. If they have left you a friendly reminder of their visit to your area, please call the Helpline and put in a work order and we will have it cleaned up.

Security will be monitoring your areas closely to let you know which of your employees is attributing to the weight gain of the mice. We will be checking drawers, cabinets, etc. We expect you to discuss this with your employees and make sure it does not continue.

Please communicate to all your employees the above in your own words and that the mice are not our friends, they are not the (removed company) mascot, nor do they make good pets. If they don’t have an ID badge and access card, they are NOT welcome in our building !!


This email I thought was just to hilarious. First thing I thought when it said we don't have this problem in the cafeteria... was they wouldn't eat that crap if it was laying out anyway :) Break rooms??? who the hell gets a break around here?

Some of the shinanigans that goes on around here just make me laugh.

Hope you guys are having a great Thursday.